Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
