so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
