We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
