The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
