In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
