I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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