You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
