He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
