dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
