Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
