I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
