My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just forgot I was standing up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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