I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
