It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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