So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
