If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
