Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
