So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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