i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
