and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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