in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
