I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
