I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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