I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
