I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
