I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
