Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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