Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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