Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
