living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
