My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
