Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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