I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
