If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
