I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
