I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
