thus making me awesome and them whores
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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