we have pet lesbian snakes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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