yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
