when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
