just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
