So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize