Where did you get a picture of my penis
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so let's talk penis.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
