this beer tastes like vomit already
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
