No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
