i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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