you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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