I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
