my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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