I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
