Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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