Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
