This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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