An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
