Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
