Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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