whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
