I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
