And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
