yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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