Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
