I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
