can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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