he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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