Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
