STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
