Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
