hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
