my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
