She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
