this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
