i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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