hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
