the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Welp...herpes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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