are you so shy because you have an std?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
