Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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