I'm gonna have a badass scar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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