Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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