Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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