I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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