Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize