Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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