You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
