My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
