her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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