my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
