yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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