Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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