It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
